The Suprising Twists of Life

Even if you've been following my journey, you'd never know that life has taken an unexpected turn in the past year. Life, with its surprising twists and turns, often leads us down paths we never anticipated. As an optimist, I don't usually like to broadcast my challenges. However, since the release of my book, I Am My Mother's Wildest Dream, I have inspired and empowered people, which comes with being vulnerable.

With that said, I want to share something I never thought I would open up about. This change, far from being a profound journey of self-discovery and growth, has been painful and lonely. A couple of years ago, I wrote an article praising Guan Muoch for his role as a loving and caring father to our two boys. We had a great parenting arrangement; his boys probably enjoyed his company more than mine. He is the fun parent, and I am the disciplinarian one. Sometimes, it's annoying that he gets to be the one they want to run with. Little did I know that our lives would take such an unexpected turn.

Although we divorced, I have never felt like a single parent. He lives three minutes from our house and takes the boys every Friday night to Sunday night. I could ask him mid-week to watch the boys if I need to go somewhere; he keeps them when I travel. I might be a single lady, but by no means was I never a single parent. He did his part, and I would be lying if I said otherwise.

Shortly after returning from Juba in 2023, I discovered Guan Muoch was incarcerated. The night I learned he was sentenced to 15 years, I was on the verge of losing it. I called Kamille Thomas, a dear friend who has been a pillar of support in my life. I was too conflicted, and it seemed selfish to feel the emotions I was feeling. I knew in my heart that he needed to be jailed, and maybe 15 years was not enough for what he did, but I was also crying for myself and my children. The boys needed their father, and I needed a second parent to relieve me when I needed a weekend getaway. Not to mention how afraid I am to raise two young South Sudanese boys alone without male guidance in America. My heart broke into pieces, and I thought I was going to spiral back into 2018 and 2019 when I was hospitalized for suicide ideation. I never planned for "single parenting." Kamille. calmed me down that night, and the very next day, I called my provider and enrolled myself back into therapy. I was afraid that I would have a nervous breakdown again. I was sure that my body would not handle it for the second time. But with the support of friends and professionals, I found the strength to carry on.

Here I am, embarking on a new chapter as a single mother. I moved across the country alone with my children. Although I am still very worried about parenting the boys alone, we are fine. It's hard, but life is moving on. I wrote this to remind you that not every single motherhood journey is by choice. Before you judge, take a moment to empathize. Ask yourself if you truly understand the life of another in this complicated world we live in. The prison is full of people who think they can make their own laws, but nobody escapes the law of nature. We reap what we sow!

Despite the challenges, I have hopes and dreams for the future. I am continuing with their father, and I plan for them because I want to see my boys grow into strong, independent men. So when people ask why I never take pictures with their father, I can't. He is not here. He is in jail, and he will be for 15 years. His absence is deeply felt, not just by me but by our children. The boys miss their father, and it's heartbreaking to see them go through this. They ask about him, they draw pictures of him, and they talk about the things they used to do together. It's a constant reminder of his absence, and it's a pain that I can't take away from them. But we're doing our best to support each other and navigate this challenging journey. We are resilient, and we hold onto hope for a brighter future.